Bigger Man

I argue with people about politics because I think that I am right. I can honestly say that my political opinions are shaped around what I think would be of the greatest benefit to the greatest number of people, even if it would adversely affect me. I also tend to argue with ignorant, backward people as they are usually squawking the loudest. In my recent journey of self-improvement/self-rediscovery, I've regained my ability to argue with these people and convey points to them despite their total unwillingness to open their mind. I've also rediscovered how to do this tactfully. Below is my response to a Facebook argument that I involved myself in because I was drunk and bored. It started out centered on health care and quickly devolved into a "liberals are baby-killers and commie/fascists" argument. I wish I was kidding. This was my reply:

I respectfully bow out of this conversation. It has blossomed a bit outside of a strict health care debate and it's really not worth trying to untangle the cat's cradle at this point.

I will offer one point of clarification: the bill is structured so that people within a certain income range receive subsidies to purchase health care. The subsidy varies with income so that those making more receive less. Within the income levels health care should be affordable for everybody. The fine exists because if you do not have health care, you are most likely choosing to not have it. There will always be exceptions because nothing works for everybody, but if you examine this aspect of the bill hopefully you will agree.

The only other thing that I have to say is that I hope you all take the time to understand the bill on your own. There are a TON of flat-out lies floating around (on both sides, put your pitchforks down) regarding this bill, and I myself do not know everything that is in it. However, I do know that there are numerous tenets of the bill that force insurance companies to actually take care of us and treat us as people should be treated. I would hope no matter what side of the political fence that you sit on we could at least agree that insurance companies are kind of assholes and need to adhere to the basic ethical standards that all other businesses operate under. Maybe none of you agree, which is okay, because we need opposing ideas to create balance, but remember that Conservatives and Liberals are not supposed to be enemies. We are supposed to work together and compromise to create the best possible country that we can. The enemy thing was created by politicians to keep themselves employed. Let's show them that we're not as dumb as they expect us to be.

God bless.

Honesty

I've wanted to write for awhile now. I'm still busting at the seams with things that I want to say but the words escape me. I find myself simply blathering about the things in my life I want back so frequently that even I'm sick of it but I can't help it. Part of who I am is uncompromising. It's the only thing that I can focus on right now; my persistent characteristics. Uncompromising, stubborn, logical, passionate, smart, sarcastic, open, kind, caring, and most of all I love to laugh. There are many more but these are the ones that pop out right now. All of who I am combines to form somebody with an inability to let go. Nobody really understands this part of me. I don't let go of things because I don't let things that are unimportant or meaningless into my life in the first place. An example: Several weeks ago I was out with some people from work (read people I don't know that well in the grand scheme of things). We went to a bar after work on a Friday and had some drinks. I ended up staying out with a guy that I work with. We were at the bar talking to a couple that he knew. He wandered off somewhere and I kept talking, which is never a good thing for me, especially at the level of intoxication that I had acquired. What I meant to convey was that I was really glad that they were so happy together because they were an unlikely couple that met in an unlikely manner. What I apparently did was insult both of them. I don't really remember what I said but they both snapped from friendly to angry instantaneously. In trying to explain myself I was only making things worse until the girl finally commanded me away. I complied but couldn't think of anything else as I wandered around the bar. I returned to the couple and she picked up berating where she had left off. For a small girl she had lots of fury on a rolling boil inside of herself. By the end of this round two the boyfriend had stood up and made it clear that I was not to return this time. I went away again but couldn't get it out of my head. The idea that they thought I was a bad person was worse to me than getting hit in the face, so I went back. Everything was eventually smoothed over and we parted ways amicably. It is important to me that I remain who I am, no matter what the cost. Most people agree with that statement but when they are truly challenged by life make compromises. That is not who I am nor who I want to be.

Shifting gears entirely, I feel like a fraud when I'm out and about. I don't want to be the cartoon rain cloud on people when I go out but putting on a happy face feels dishonest. I need to be social and interact with my friends more than ever right now and my phone won't be ringing off of the hook if I keep doing my Droopy Dog impression, but I feel as if everybody can see right through my facade. In being honest to myself it's hard to justify faking normalcy in an attempt to restore it. I haven't yet figured out how to reconcile this for myself.