Graphic, No Poker

So, I have this irrational fear that manifests a lot at work. I've always had it, but, well, I'll just get into it. I'm afraid that when I'm wiping my behind while wearing a long sleeve that I'm going to get poo on the cuff. I don't know how I think I'm going to accomplish this, nor have I ever done it, but I seriously worry about this. In my mind I can picture it happening and then me not noticing. Handing things to people as they cringe in that state where you want to tell the person but you don't want to embarrass them. I picture myself shaking hands with some poor unsuspecting sap, neither one of us knowing. And what do you do if something like that does occur? Do you ask to go home? "Hey boss, I accidentally got shit on my sleeve, I'll be back in a bit." I don't think you come back from something like that. I think you just stop showing up and everybody understands why. I don't think I'd hold that against somebody. These are the things I think about.