Reading: Still Stevens' poetry. I don't think I've advanced more than a page or two since my last post because I bought a Car and Driver that I've been reading nonstop and I've been pretty tired. Tackling poetry requires a certain amount of focus for me, and I haven't had that lately.
Listening: Change Your Mind by The Killers. This was several days ago, but I did listen to it on repeat until I was giving somebody else a ride in my car. I don't like other people to see my music OCD of repeating a song over and over and over. I don't have any great insight or commentary on this song, it was simply the song that I wanted to hear a little bit ago, so I listened to it repeatedly.
So, the story about the woman in the Denver airport. When I last flew to Vegas, I had a layover in Denver. I thought it would be perfect because I had an hour and a half between flights, so it would give me enough time to get off of my plane and roam around the airport for a bit. Denver is my second favorite airport only to O'Hare in Chicago. A lot of people hate those airports because of their size, but that's what I love about them. I don't know for sure, but I'd bet that you could find a French restaurant in Chicago. Wolfgang Puck has his restaurant in Denver. There are also tie shops, shoe stores. Anything you want, you can find it in Denver's airport. So, looking forward to wandering, I was pissed when the flight out of Omaha was delayed, causing me to have to rush to make my connection in Denver. I got off of the plane and hit the terminal frantically looking for a departure board. I saw one a few gates up and made a bee line. It was packed in front of the board, so I had to edge in on the right side. While I was scanning the monitors for my gate info, I noticed a small group of people to the right of the board. I took a few steps over so I could see what they were gathered around when I saw an elderly woman lying on the floor. Somebody was on top of her doing chest compressions, and two or three people, presumably her family members were watching close by. There was an empty wheelchair there that made me wonder if she had collapsed out of it or had been dragged out when somebody noticed she wasn't breathing. I looked up and down the terminal, expecting to see paramedics rushing to the old lady's aid, but there were just people trying to find their gates or their way out. I looked back to the group. The blonde lady doing chest compressions. The other lady with two teenage girls watching anxiously, stoically. A few feet away, one of the desk agents was on the phone. There was no urgency in her face. I looked around the gate and nobody seemed to notice that a woman lay dying. There were just people trying to make their flights. And then I was reminded that I too needed to make my flight. I started to turn my attention to the board even though I wanted to sprint down the terminal and find somebody who could help. The nagging voice of reality told me that I didn't have the first idea where to run, that somebody HAD to be on their way, and that I was going to miss my flight if I didn't move my ass. I made the conscious decision to stand there for a few more moments, looking at the ground. I felt like I still do when thinking about death; that the world should stop, just for a second. Despite our hustle and bustle and drive to get ahead, there are still moments when things should just stop because something is more important that our petty needs. I hope the old lady was ok. I'll never know.
I woke up this morning feeling like garbage. I went to sleep last night feeling like garbage. I've been sick and sleep-deprived, which probably contributes to this feeling, but this morning I had one of those "what's the point?" feelings. I went through everything that I might do today and realize that if I just disappeared from the map that nothing would really change. My job isn't dependent on me. Nothing is dependent on my job. People would miss me, but not for about a week or so. I didn't like the feeling that I could just disappear for a week before somebody (aside from my roommate) would notice. It's that same feeling I get when I know that a change is coming. We'll see what the change is and what it brings.
I've played a little poker over the past couple of days. I'm pretty much even. I won maybe $3 playing micro cash games, but I lost around $3.50 playing micro SnGs. There's not much to write about in these games because I play robot book poker. I do play quite a few hands though, because nobody knows what they're doing in these games and you can limp a lot of pots. No hero calls, no monster folds. If I have a good hand, I'll pay off a bigger one because there's no point in folding down here. I'll keep posting about my progress when I play.
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