Reading: Too much. Haven't advanced in Stevens at all. I read about ten pages of Catcher in the Rye by Salinger, and I also bit off some more of my real estate book. In the grand scheme of things, I haven't made any headway on anything, but the Salinger looks like fun, and I don't see myself having a ton of motivation to read any time soon. Reason: I'm picking up a lot of overtime at work, and I really have no motivation to do anything except go to bed when I get home.
Listening: The Sound of Settling by Death Cab for Cutie. It seems to fit my life right now, or rather, where I want to steer away from. I have a lot of things going for me right now (Virginia), but that's the exact reason that I need to push forward with my life and not just let it happen. Grab the proverbial reigns. Whip the shit out of it. I DO actually have a hunger twisting my stomach into knots right now because I'm nowhere close to where I thought I would be at this point in my life, and I have a lot of things to prove to myself in the coming months. I know this is a little abstract, but I will get more specific in a short while.
I went to the casino a few nights ago to play poker. I lost the $150 I took to play with in about an hour. It was a very humbling experience. A year ago, I would've ran the table I was sitting at for about $600 or $700 because people were playing in obvious manners and had some obvious tells. I only realized this as I was driving home though. While I was at the table I was trying to avoid shitting my pants because I just wasn't used to playing live anymore. My hands were shaking like I was waist deep in ice water and the guy across the table from me could probably hear my heart pounding. I used to be a cool customer, now I'm just like everybody else. If I sat down and played every day for a few weeks, it would all come back. I immediately identified every place I screwed up when I was driving home; the minimum raise on a QTT flop, the darting look after a flop, the relaxed demeanor after a turn card made a hand, all of these things I was oblivious to in the moment. I felt like Michael Jordan must have in his last season; like things had passed him by and while the instincts were there, the spark was just gone. I went home after my beating and played microlimit poker until 3am to convince myself that I'm not as bad as I played. Since them I'm up like $30 in my tiny little online games with a roll of $161.70. It's funny that nearly a year ago I was trying to get out of a rut, and now I'm trying to get back in part of it. I want to play some poker nearly every day so I can shake the rust off and get the creaking, squealing machine back to life, but I don't want it to dominate my life like it used to. Good luck me.
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