Picture, Date?, Millipede, No Poker

The Picture of the Week absolutely kills me. I look at it and I fall apart EVERY time. I wish I knew the person who did this. I would hug them.

So Jamie wasn't there when we showed up around 7:45pm. She was supposed to be there until 8pm. I didn't bother asking if she came in at all or when she came in next. I'll see her again I'm sure. I won't have kind words. My solution was to get drunk. But we had to leave that bar because it had lingering bad mojo. We went to this little dive bar a block away from our apartment. It sucked. We drank more. We went to another little dive bar a block in a different direction. It was much more fun. There was a friendly old couple at the bar. There was karaoke. There were two hot women just a shade under forty. It was great. Naturally we went and hit on the cougars. It actually went amazingly well until the one that I was talking to went Mr. Hyde and loudly proclaimed "We have to leave now I have to work in the morning!" to her friend and got up and left. Her friend tried to get her to stay, apologized to us and left. Jeff was inconsolable so I figured another shot would help. It didn't, but the second and third gave it their best. That's when I decided that the bartender needed to go to dinner with me.

"Hey Katie (I think), do you have a boyfriend?"
"No, why."
"Because if you did I couldn't take you out to dinner Wednesday night (why not Wednesday?)"
"Okay."
*Befuddlement* "No, I seriously want to take you out on a date."
"I already said yes, give me your number."
*Befuddlement* "On Wednesday."
"I can't call you if you don't give me your number."
*Befuddlement* *Writes number* "I have to go now."
"See you Wednesday."

I'm pretty sure her name is Katie. I know that she has brown hair and a tattoo on the back of her neck. I guess I know where she works, too. Friendly older lady congratulated me. Then Jeff and I went to McDonald's. McDonald's must have been amazing because I woke up naked. I'm not sure what it is about getting drunk that makes me want to sleep naked, but there is a definitive connection.

Nudity is a theme in this post. So I came home from running errands after I got off of work and decided to have a nice relaxing read. Location: bathroom. I polished off True Story yesterday and started right in on Galapagos. I always dive into Vonnegut books with enthusiasm. I finished a page and turned it when something caught my eye near the door. It was multi-legged and moving at me quickly. My brain started to process that I saw something as it moved behind the book, making the brain doubt itself. Then it appeared under the book and disappeared under my pants. I jumped up instantaneously, book in one hand, wiener in the other, trying to figure out where the speedy agent of death had disappeared to. F-bombs were dropped. I set the book down and wanted to pull my pants up, but it could be in there! I didn't want to pull up my underwear and trap the fiend in close proximity to my manhood! I slowly inched the underwear up out of the jeans, and after a two minute inspection restored them to their normal position. The jeans just came off because there's way too much fabric in there for hiding. I located the little bastard a short time later trying to blend in with the seam in the baseboard behind the toilet. It was in fact a millipede and not a harbinger of death (spider). I looked around for something to squish him with to teach a lesson, but when I returned with a weapon he was gone. Stay tuned for tomorrow's post where the same thing happens again and I react the exact same way.