I had my interview with Bank of the West today. I think it went fairly well, but you never know until you get offered the job. They asked me to summarize myself in one word. One. From zygote to the small, neutral colored office I got one word. When the lady asked me the question the first word that popped into my mind was goofy. That actually fits pretty well. I went with happy instead. I should have said goofy.
I've been talking about death a lot lately. It's not something I'm bringing up, it just seems to creep into a lot of conversations that I'm having. Talking about death makes me sad, but not for the reason that you would expect. It saddens me that people can't let go. I've never had a close loved one die. My grandparents were all dead by the time I was 5, and I'm not really close to most of my relatives. My cousin LaToya died, my Uncles Rex and Kenny died, that's about it for family. Probably the death that bothered me the most was my friend Pat, a guy that I went to college with. I was pretty bad for a couple of days, but then life resumed as normal. I still think about him and talk about him from time to time, and I get sad when I do, but I end up smiling because he was the type of person that made me smile. I remember good things about him. This has been a preface because I have a couple of friends that haven't let go. My friends James and Matt lost their grandmother 4 years ago. They both still think about it every day. Every day. They've both admitted that in one way or another, it impairs their daily lives. 4 years. My ex is seeing a guy named Scotty. Scotty is also the name of her uncle that killed himself 7 years ago. When she was telling me about it she cried. She still cries about him sometimes. 7 years. She told me that her grandmother still isn't over it. Her grandmother cries a lot. She told me all of the different ways that the different members of her family cope. She said it would be very hard for them to take if she started to date new Scotty. She isn't sure how to tell them. I'm writing because I don't understand and I'm trying to. Part of me feels inhuman; unable to feel compassion. Part of me wonders if I've been missing something in life. Part of me wonders what it's like to not be able to let go. I might let go too easily. I have no way to find out. I don't really want to.
I went to The Simpson's Movie tonight (awesome). The cross guy was on the corner again telling me not to be gay or drink or smoke or have sex. Tonight, there were some people standing on the other corner with signs as well. They weren't yelling, they just held their signs. One sign said "Lincoln Secular Humanists." One sign said "God hates wet dreams. Zeus 10:5." Another said "If you don't believe in Zeus, you're going to Hades." I was happy.
Yesterday I went 2-0 in heads-up matches, leaving my bankroll around $384. The people were the same as all of the others, requiring nothing more than patience and top pair to vanquish. Today I played a marathon match against rivergirl06 that lasted well over an hour. I lost. I'm still sort of upset about it, but it was my fault in hindsight. rivergirl06 played pretty much exactly like I do, only tighter. I should've changed gears and opened up my game a lot and gotten more aggressive but I played the same game decided to just outplay her. I did. It took me until about 6k in chips to figure her out, but then I started rolling. I ran up to 13k and then took a bad one when I got cute with a flopped flush and got out flushed. That dropped me to 6k again, and I got beat down to 2k when I flopped top pair but got ran down on the turn and had to fold. I ran my 2k all the way back up to 12k again when I lost an AIPF with AT vs her KJcc. She raised, I reraised, she moved all-in and I made the hero call only to get bitch slapped on the 60/40. I got lucky the next hand with A8o vs AK to get back up to 8k, but then I busted with A6o vs JJ AIPF. At that point, the blinds were ridiculous. She raised, I reraised, and she moved in again. I knew it was strong, but with only like 2.5k left I had to call and hope for my 3 outer. It missed. I wanted to play another one against her but I was incredibly tired from having to wake up at 7:30 on 3 hours sleep to get to my interview, so I took a nap. I just played another match and got coolered on a JJ9 flop with JT vs AJ. Overall, I'm dead even at $30, but I have a good feeling that in the next couple of days I'm going to reel off about 4-5 in a row and then I'll be in business. Hopefully I get in 2-3 more tonight and come out ahead again. Go me!
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